50 Days!

It's hard to believe I've made it 50 days without a cigarette. When I was smoking, there were hardly hours I'd go without one. The longest was probably when I was sleeping at night. But first thing in the morning, I'd be smoking again. That's what they tell you in the book. You never really satisfy that craving. You are always in withdrawl.

But I'm here. I'm me. But I'm still not me.. There's something still missing. Something elusive. Living without cigarettes is like losing a part of me. Yes, admittedly, a bad part, but it's still gone. I still miss it. I still want it back. I just don't want to smoke to get it back.

I can't tell you how many times I would think to myself, "If I just smoke one cigarette, I will be back to my old self again." But I know that's not true. I will be upset with myself and I will have to start all over again. And I will be back to that addict person I never really liked. The person who scheduled her whole day around smoking.

I just don't want to be nervous all the time. And what am I supposed to do with my hands? I'm trying to learn how to knit. And I'm doing some writing (long hand) to plan a book I'm going to write when I get a computer again. I thought work would be the hardest, and it is, but home is hard too. I don't know what to do with all the time. Exactly how long did I spend smoking? I still go to bed early and wake up early. Then I don't know what to do with the morning time. It's a strange endless cycle.

But I suspect I'll eventually get to a place in my life where I don't think about smoking all the time. When I don't feel the need to count the days. The hours. The minutes. I'll just be me. A nonsmoker.

Until then, I'll count the days and be proud of every moment I go without a cigarette. Until I find myself again....

Bummer...

When I heard the announcement this morning that Harry Potter was going to be sold as ebooks, my first thought was, "Who cares?" (Only because I wanted it to be something cooler...lol) But then I realized with the Kindle and Nook now, ebooks are the new craze, which bummed me out.

Why couldn't this have happened when I had my books out? I remember telling people they were in ebooks and people would just look at me funny. What's an ebook? Now everyone seems to have a Kindle or Nook and I could've sold so many copies of my book if it was still published now. In fact, before I was dropped by the publisher, it was available for Kindle.

Timing is everything...

The Kitty Life

It's strange how we became cat owners. We never planned it. In fact, my husband is deadly allergic to them. If he hangs around one too long, it starts up his asthma and he can't breathe. It's scary. So how did this happen?

It all started with Sam. One day my son and husband noticed a little black kitten on our front porch. It looked pathetic and they couldn't help but feed it. You know what happens after that.

We even tried to keep Sam in our house. But then we had that huge blizzard and lost power and the fur got really bad and my husband got really sick. I never want to go through that again!

Now Sam stays outside, but we let him go into my mom's garage when the weather is bad since the garage is mainly storage. Then one day he brought home a woman. New Kitty we call her. We thought it was just a fling. We hoped. Then one day we noticed she was really fat, but I assured everyone it was nothing! No way she was pregnant! Wistful thinking on my part.

Then one day she was suddenly skinny. Even my mom commented on it. I shrugged it off. Maybe she just lost some weight! A diet! Yes, that's it. Must be. Anorexic kitty.


That's when I got the call. "Mom! I saw a kitten!"


Crap. No denying it now. I reassured my husband. "There's only one kitten! Really. Ok, two kittens."


My son, "I think there's three."

Me: "Shit."

There ended up being four kittens. I tried to sugar coat it. Kept telling my husband three kittens since the fourth always seemed to be hiding anyway. Then one day it slipped out.

Four kittens.

She still won't let us near them. She hisses if we make sudden moves. She has a special call for them which is really cute. Sometimes I'll say, "Call your babies," and she will.

What's really funny is that at the end of the day, Sam will come home from a long day of kitty work and she'll be all over him while he eats his dinner. You can almost hear her saying, "OMG... You will not believe the day I had. Those kids are getting on my everlasting nerve! You need to do something with them."

My mom doesn't think they are Sam's kitten since he's an all black cat and all the kittens are shades of gray. I have no clue. I guess it doesn't matter. It's not like this is the Maury Povich show and I can gather all the neighborhood cats together and find the baby daddy.

Not to mention, neither one of these cats were mine to begin with!

Again, I ask, how did this happen? They are really cute kittens. Me and Scooter will stand at the door in the morning and watch them play while their beleaguered mother keeps an eye on them. I had no idea cats were such good mothers! Even half feral cats like New Kitty.

Eventually some will have to be given away and the adults neutered. We can't keep six cats! That's going dangerously into hoarding area and again, we aren't even cat people!

But this has definitely been a learning experience. I have learned that I'm a dog person for sure, but that I'm a sucker for a cute kitten.


Anyone want a cat? Or two?