I've made a decision.
I've decided to quit smoking.
This is not an easy decision to make for me. For some reason, I have a crazy emotional attachment to smoking. It's the first thing I do in the morning. I'm not a light smoker and I don't do it as a habit. It feels like a part of me.
Yes, it's an addiction. A really bad one.
My father died from smoking related damage to his heart. He'd quit a long time before he passed away, but the damage had been done. I don't want to be like him. I don't.
There's not a day that goes by I don't think of him. I miss him with all the fiber of my being. He was my rock. My role model. My dad. One of the best people I will ever know. Plus, he was just a good guy. It hurts. Even sitting here typing this, I'm fighting back tears.
It will be three years this year since we lost him and it feels like yesterday. It's still hard for me to think of that awful, awful day.
I really don't want to put my son through the same thing.
You'd think it wouldn't be hard to make this decision knowing what happened to my dad. It has been three years. But like I said, I have an emotional attachment to smoking. It's going to feel like I'm ripping apart of me away. I can already feel it.
I wrote up a list of reasons I want to quit...not just the reasons I should quit, because believe me, there isn't a smoker who doesn't know the reasons they have to quit. Sadly, those are just not enough.
I've set a date. May 13th. It would've been my dad's birthday. It's time. I'm going to start stockpiling what I need. Water. The patch. Tissues. A punching bag. Gum. Hide the weapons.
I can do this. But I know I'm going to need help. I'm typing this up and putting it into my blog because if I don't make it official, I'll chicken out. I'm just not as strong as I'd like to be. But I know I can be.
I know my dad would want me to do this. He always believed I could do whatever I wanted. Be whatever I wanted. Unconditionally. I know his spirit will be there with me.
I can do this. I will keep saying that until I believe it. But at least I have a date.
May 13th.
I'll be 10 years quit in October. I recommend that you find something to do that occupies both your mind and your hands. Obviously, my preference is knitting, but it can be sudoku, cross-stitch, or jumping your husband and having your way with him every time you get the urge to smoke. Eating and going outside for walks are probably not the best at first because both activities are frequently associated with smoking.
ReplyDeleteP.S. If you want, I'll give you my cell phone number and you can call or text me when you need encouragement.
Thanks, Connie! I might definitely take you up on that! Texting will be something to do with my hands.
ReplyDeleteI actually have a cross stitch project on hold right now, but I'm not sure if that will be the best in the beginning. I have a tendency to get impatient with threading the needle and switching thread all the time. I have a feeling it might go flying out the window. lol But after time, that might be a good thing.
I've tried quitting twice in my life and stayed quit for awhile, so I'm trying to remember what worked then. Thanks for the encouragement! :o)
That's what I'm here for. The patch worked best for me, but when I finally quit I had 29 of them in various strengths ~ approximately 13 of the big ones, 7 of the medium, and 9 of the smallest, so I weaned off in less than a month. I was too broke to buy more.
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