Smokey

Every morning I have to tell myself that I am definitely going to quit smoking on the 13th. Every morning I have to do this because I have this other personality inside me--let's call her Smokey McSmokerson--who whines inside my head against quitting. Why now? Why can't we just wait? But we love smoking!

This voice is very persuasive and it's frustrating because I don't understand why it has such a hold of me. It's not like Smokey can give me one good reason not to quit. If I was to write a pro and con list about smoking, there's nothing I can put in the pro column.

I guess because it's a total life style change for me. And I don't do change well. I guess it could also be because I know it's going to be hard. And it will be something I will be fighting for my whole life. From past experience, I know it's not just the first week that's hard. The hard part comes after you get through that and start thinking it will be ok to start again. Just one. It's a party! We're drinking! I can have just one!

It will be the ongoing fight and Smokey knows this so her voice is the loudest one right now. That's why I'm putting my vow in writing and telling everyone that I'm going to quit. That's the only way I can override her voice.Whatever it takes, I will smother Smokey once and for all and kick her ass.

Then all the other voices in my head can have their turn... It's pretty crowded in there.